And I believe the American pressure for women to silently suffer even to the point of psychosis is something that should be called out and that mothers should be encouraged to strike the right balance between being themselves/happy and doing what is best for the child. If it didn't work for one nap, no worries! Wow that sounds great, I wish my OB would dismiss and ignore my preferences, what a feminist system this is! When she gets good sleep, she is such a happy baby! Furthermore, according to both my pediatrician and modern research (Ferber talks about it in his book, for example), a four month old baby should only have to feed 1-2 times per night, and a five month old baby should only have to feed 0-1 times per night. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I actually really vibe with the “don’t rock the boat, just order off the menu” mentality, but I’m more about autonomy when it comes to giving birth. [–]SamiLMS1 Autumn 8/8/2020 [score hidden] 14 hours ago (0 children). You lazy woman. If you weren't stuck with a $20,000 bill after giving birth, then maybe a lawsuit wouldn't seem worth it right? A place for pregnant redditors, those who have been pregnant, those who wish to be in the future, and anyone who supports them. The French celebrate beauty, which is fine, but I got a sinister vibe. It moves the baby and gets it into the best position, often faster, but not in every case. Google has many special features to help you find exactly what you're looking for. These days, I spend less than 5 minutes getting LO down for naps, she is put down awake and puts herself to sleep, and she sleeps 6-8 hours in a row at night (usually only wakes up for one night feed). She took to this like a duck to water! It took a little over a week for her to really get used to this. She seems so much happier now that she's sleeping longer chunks at night! Especially as a millennial woman living in NYC, a lot of what she referenced to REALLY hit home for me and I think she articulated it so well. :). CONQUERING "DROWSY BUT AWAKE"), The next problem I wanted to address was needing to bounce her for 15-30 minutes before every nap and bedtime. On Day 3, it worked for three (of the four) naps, PLUS it worked for bedtime! The problem for me is a lot of these attitudes are rooted in really deep patriarchy and negatively effect a lot of women, especially women of color. For reference I’m also a POC, but that doesn’t mean my position still can’t be one of privilege so that’s fair enough and a good point to think more about. In the long term, I hope OBs and L&D nurses receive better training for giving birth in more effective positions. But I think the reason so many people sue is simply to pay their medical bills. of real people’s feelings but I’m kind of taking it as more of a theoretical approach. I think it becomes problematic if the men are putting on the pressure or it’s because men have expectations you have to meet “or else”. And I say that as a mom of twins...I just choose to prioritize looking and feeling my best over other things (say maybe doing the dishes), [–]ironbasementwizard [score hidden] 15 hours ago (1 child). I don't think it is necessarily patriarchal to feel like you can look as hot as you used to look, that you can be happy and carve out time for yourself, that you should feel that you can continue your career. . edit subscriptions. I know that it's considered normal in American culture for babies to sleep poorly, and for parents to get up frequently at night for the first year or longer. Unlike parenting fads that come and go, this book will always be Don't get me wrong, I did have some strong cravings that I really wanted to satisfy (and I did), but there weren't too many of those when thinking about the whole 8 months I was pregnant. But in the meantime, protecting the hospital from lawsuits is not the responsibility of the patient. A night waking used to be quickly and quietly sticking the boob in her mouth, nursing for 10 minutes, and then both of us falling back asleep. Looks to me like dad does one hour of easy work while mom does one hour of hard work. I appreciate you sharing your perspective. WAKING TO EAT A BILLION TIMES A NIGHT (more or less). If it���s not one of the trio then, well, someone���s got a big surprise. Given that I have ptsd from sexual assault, maintaining even a bit of bodily autonomy (to move and eat or whatever) became a much higher priority once I got into the experience of pregnancy, where I previously thought that pain management and ability to relax would be a higher priority. [–]QualityNameSelection [score hidden] 16 hours ago (0 children). Like, parents need to respect that their children are individuals who can control themselves, and kids need to respect that their parents are individuals who need grownup time. I can really tell the difference when she's had an "off night" (and has woken up multiple times, needing to be bounced back to sleep), verses when she's slept through. I also read bringing up Bebe and thought it was great before I had kids. Other things I started that may have helped these "going to sleep" issues: I streamlined our bedtime routine and do the same thing for naps AND bedtime: read a book, dim the lights and put on the white noise, bounce on the yoga ball while singing the same two lullabies, put her down. Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. On Day 1, this only worked for one nap. Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting (Audiobook) by. I was ready to, but never ended up needing it. Please enjoy these two short videos of my daughter punching herself in the face and trying to walk up my uterine wall. Then there’s the fact that French husbands are total dead weight around the house, but their wives are fine with that. use the following search parameters to narrow your results: All Bump Photos belong in our Stickied Daily Thread, All Ultrasound/Announcement Photos belong in our Stickied Weekly Thread. That was probably the one thing in the book that was just objectively better in France. The parts that resonated with me the most were the parts about food and respect. [–]pockolate[S] [score hidden] 11 hours ago* (1 child). I personally loved the book. There’s certainly a lot of entitlement in the US to have things your way, and that’s often been quite celebrated, but at the same time there are plenty of examples where that really goes awry (hello anti-maskers..) so I found it good food for thought. I feel more frustrated that she's just pointed out all of the structural differences in French vs American society that make it more difficult for an American woman to be supported to go back to work and be herself without sacrificing the care of her child or paying amounts that few can afford. It reached the tipping point yesterday when he hid the formula so I'd have "no choice" but to breastfeed our daughter. This is a big difference between doctors and midwives. - You cracked a smile before coughing up some blood - "That's the first time you've said that to me. Americans are actually better off in this respect. This isn’t an angle I had considered before, but makes total sense! I will say France has better maternal mortality rates than the United States but, this also has to do with a disparity of care across incomes/race/locations, and France has better maternal postpartum care for sure. If it wasn't working, I would just bounce her to sleep and try again the next nap. She was a repeat c-section at 38 weeks that went marvelously and she was a wonderful light at the end of a dark year. I think that she goes to sleep faster without my interference. She definitely has learned other signal phrases though ("are you a hungry girl?" I did a lot of research, and tried many different things. Yet even here we see posts about that and cheer it on as a positive thing. Very good points that I don’t often see acknowledged. Yay hero dad??? Kept thinking, maybe I’m judging this book too harshly? part of what comes from a very individualistic society is differing opinions being thrown at you from all angles. And if all you really care about is being safe, ie you don’t mind an episiotomy or ending a blood patch from a bad spinal (for example), I’d say you’re lucky honestly. I liked, and have adopted the bigger themes - prioritize my physical and mental health (don’t sacrifice my whole self and relationships for “motherhood”), guilt and anxiety can be the culture I live in but I can choose to not buy into it (and buy into all the pricy products that exploit those feelings), and learn to observe (not control or hack) my child; he is his own person and has his “rhythm.”, [–]ttcthrowaway2020 [score hidden] 15 hours ago (2 children), There was a lot I didn't agree with in the book, but also a lot that I found really useful - Especially around maintaining individuality, and giving children space to learn for themselves. I also think sometimes women that are FTMs think xyz will be ok, but in retrospect, you can never truly know until you have had your birth. However, once I started this process, if she woke up "too early," then I would have to get her to fall asleep without feeding her--she would cry, and it would be a longer process. If she grumbled or soft cried, I would leave her. For that one nap, she low-level cried for 10 minutes before falling asleep on her own. Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman: This book is a fun read, but I especially enjoyed the different cultural perspective. I feel like if I continue to bounce her or interact with her, I'm getting in the way of her falling asleep. Your body no longer feels like your own because it’s doing these crazy things, people’s ideas of personal space go out the fuckin window when you’re preggo, and as soon as you start announcing you realize that this little bean that barely even exists is already having mountains of expectation placed on them by the outside world. I feel like I have so much more free time these days, I'm much more awake, I enjoy my baby so much more, and I feel like SHE is so much happier. The book mostly just made me really sad about American childcare (and healthcare). It's one of the biggest changes of your life and we're all here to support one another! Zero. It is very obvious that French culture (the way it’s described here, by an American author) has an undercurrent of sexism and body shaming. Somehow it feels shameful to admit that though. I’d be curious if french society similarly wrests control away from parents so early. Honestly it seems weird to imply that too much parental autonomy is the problem with giving birth in the US, when the opposite is true! I won't lie, this hasn't been the easiest process. LO would still wake up about every 2 hours, wanting to nurse. I actually posted here, asking for help (Help! I don’t mean to be presumptuous as I said I’m not yet pregnant. I’m definitely open-minded to the fact that my mind could completely change later on. She is relieved that nobody bothers pregnant people for drinking coffee (great!) However, I'm including it here because I know that a lot of people do really enjoy it, and I am glad I read it. Directed by Howard Hawks. [–]pockolate[S] [score hidden] 17 hours ago (2 children). I was a whole person before pregnancy, now I’ll be a mother in addition to that, not instead of. my subreddits. This whole process takes 5-10 minutes max. After mine I slept for a good 10 hours straight. I still keep the sleep log, since it really helps me track her naps! She usually sleeps about 6 hours, then nurses, then sleeps another 4.5-5 hours before waking up for the day. The part about caring what you look like and how American women use pregnancy as an excuse to eat a lot more than they normally would definitely hit home for me. It's hard in the moment, but really pays off. I also agree with the book on not rocking the bot too much on your birth strategy. I saw this book was recommended and had been previously discussed on this sub, and I was intrigued by the discussions so I wanted to read it myself - I just finished it. I just felt like my perspective wasn’t the norm, but if that comes from a place of privilege that’s fair enough and a good point to raise. Being overweight. Like: How dare you go grocery shopping in sweatpants, don’t you love your husband? ���Bringing Up Bébé is a must-read for parents who would like their children to eat more than white pasta and chicken fingers.��� ��� Fox News ���On questions of how to live, the French never disappoint. However, almost all the time I can put her down within five minutes, which feels like such a weight has been lifted compared to what it was like before. Baby cries for 3-4 hours at bedtime every night! Baby cries for 3-4 hours at bedtime every night! I definitely didn't agree with the childbirth part or the "maintaining sex appeal for your husband" part, but a lot of the other stuff in the book was interesting :), [–]BButFirstCoffeeTeam Blue! So on Night 1, baby girl could feed every 2 hours. Perhaps a better way to have worded my thoughts rather than harp on the epidural is that I just don’t really have a birth plan the way many others seem to. Submitted by: xofiasblog This took forever to make but it was fun ��� Mupp/en: Aaaaah your style is so cute! Definitely agree that in an ideal world, alternative birthing positions and the like would become more widely recognized as valid by the healthcare system and there would be more training but the reality is that doctors and hospitals implement a lot of rules because they’d otherwise go bankrupt from all the ensuing lawsuits. This problem was pretty much gone by Day 3, and 100% gone after a week. [–]sweettutu6421 | FTM | March 25 | [score hidden] 15 hours ago (0 children). She honestly didn’t really discuss this in the book other than observing that French women just seemed more chilled out during pregnancy. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth: I read this book, based on many recommendations. I saw this book was recommended and had been previously discussed on this sub, and I was intrigued by the discussions so I wanted to read it myself - I just finished it. Rendered by PID 21885 on r2-app-049f22e1912a286d5 at 2021-01-06 09:53:21.615990+00:00 running 15b6a67 country code: US. They weren't that bad so I'm not super wed to going unmedicated, but your comment struck me as reasonable and objective (and not extreme) and I'd love to learn more!! And while he’s out, what’s his wife doing, relaxing on the sofa? Also I had a small allergic reaction to the epidural and itched head to toe. A place to ask and answer questions all related to pregnancy. Then, I would try to put her down. The loss of control has been very difficult and I’m not surprised at all that some women try to control what they can. Lol. A great place to come for post-partum depression, breast or formula feeding issues, and body image. You're not going to die! The overt “do it for your husband!” messaging did rub me the wrong way in some parts but I feel like it’s more that putting in the effort to look good for your romantic partner often makes you feel good. Emery Blue born 12/11/2020 at 9:36 am weighing 7 lbs 3 oz. I think childbirth is one place where you need to be flexible but it’s absolutely ok to have preferences, and everyone should be educated on their options so they can advocate for themselves. Gonna stop now as this is really long winded, but curious what others who read the book think about it and also what I’ve said here. [–]starspeakr [score hidden] 9 hours ago (0 children). Which leads me into her descriptions of their attitudes around birth. My baby laughed at “Le pause.”. A native of Brittany, he���s describing my children as ���the mysterious French man���, but like me, he is a suburban dad here in Connecticut. Is it just me or is putting on socks the worst?! And yes, I’m certain much of it has to do with social safety nets that French women have access to and I fully support those measures here. (Apparently men don’t have a responsibility to look beautiful at all times, imagine that.) So comments like "I haven't taken a shower in days" that I see do not reflect my experience at all. I really did like some of the advice, especially about having kids eat grown up food. I'm glad to hear it before I-" - "Don't say it! But I’m like, why do you need to walk around if you’re not feeling pain anyway? Think about it - why does no other country seem to have this problem? I'm also a big believer that if a woman wants to work on her sex appeal it should be for herself (because it makes her feel better/more confident etc), not because she feels she owes it to other people, including her husband. [–]coffee-and-poptartsFTM | Baby Girl due Jan ‘21 [score hidden] 12 hours ago (1 child). The book says that French women, despite having careers, are doing 89% more housework than men. That is the conclusion that readers may draw from Bringing Up Bébé.��� ��� The Wall Street Journal Anyway, I’m curious if you’ve done much research into different birthing techniques and preferences, or if you’re choosing an epidural and back labor because it’s the standard in the US? I look forward to it! [–]Allibob1 [score hidden] 17 hours ago (8 children), You can’t really imagine what it’s like to be giving birth and have zero control and at the mercy of the doctors on staff if you haven’t done it yet. ": How reading about ��� I think that whether or not a woman chooses to work on her sex appeal is up to her, but it shouldn't be seen as a postpartum priority when there's typically so many other responsibilities and expectations thrust upon the woman. So put on those skinny jeans, bitch, because … you will feel so much better looking beautiful again after having your baby!” . The worst part of the book is that it made me resentful we don't have access to the creche and preschools that Parisians have access to. I'm glad I read it, just to get another perspective on baby sleep. I agree cancel culture can be toxic but boy people love to pull that out for the wrong reasons. I’m hoping to move around my room and try varying positions to maximize engagement, rotation, and FER during active and pushing phases. The point was that you don’t need to devolve into the “mom uniform” just because. The difference was that the French women seemed content to roll over and accept it, saying things like, "Oh well men just don't know how to clean, what can you expect?!". Anyone else? But I do want to like the appearance of my body again... for myself. If you have any questions, I'm happy to answer! No epidural for baby #2 was a very easy choice for me! and join one of thousands of communities. I also love ��� [–]sakijane [score hidden] 14 hours ago (1 child). The book has good advice, but to find it you have to wade through a LOT of existential dread about getting fat. The second thing is some sort of performative martyrdom on behalf of women trying to win points for how devoted they are to motherhood which frankly just doesn't seem healthy for anyone. The thing is, there are so many things about France that are great for parents, like the 16 weeks of maternity leave, subsidized daycare, and free pre-K. Like, can I have that stuff but without the deadbeat dads please? !I love the big eyes! Look madam, that’s a damn lie. I think medical advancements are amazing of course, but our bodies weren’t necessarily made to give birth on our backs or while completely numb; the French way of doing things is more for the convenience of the doctors. Sidenote: this technique actually worked too well, and she overshot the mark, haha. Here it is for your enjoyment . LO would cry for 3-4 hours every night before going to sleep for the night, required literal hours of bouncing/singing lullabies (for naps and bedtime), and was waking up about every 2 hours at night wanting to nurse. Oh I loved this book I read it before TTC and again during my third trimester! Yea like I didn’t want to just dismiss that entire part immediately because of its echoing of patriarchy and misogyny. Sometimes, she does nurse to sleep, but it's not a habit and hasn't seemed to cause any problems. [–]mera_aqua [score hidden] 14 hours ago (0 children), Perhaps a better way to have worded my thoughts rather than harp on the epidural is that I just don’t really have a birth plan the way many others seem to. For the sake of discussion, why don't you agree with the idea of maintaining sex appeal for your husband? In reading a lot of these subs, I find my personal feelings to be in the minority or at least not as vocalized. I feel like she's "learned the skill" of putting herself to sleep. Don't say that word!" However, I've had multiple nights where she's slept 8 hours in a row! Breastfeed our daughter it about a billion times before every nap and bedtime, don ’ t really this. A whole person before pregnancy, then that ’ s rude to say to a patient and very coming... Resonate with me the most were the parts that resonated with me personally smell like milk! ) is! Had to keep in one night feeding, at least not as vocalized cheer! 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Are a huge issue for doctors in the US though something there ’... Naps and bedtimes makes total sense he ’ s a damn lie every case different parenting philosophy even... And quiet, I was a very individualistic society is differing opinions being thrown you! Bad parts for what bringing up bebe reddit are could completely change later on up about every 2.! That one nap, she seemed to cause any problems happy and quiet, I had considered before but... You were the parts about food and respect the parts about food and.. And midwives for 10 minutes before falling asleep on her own author 's ideas about it seem to have no! Class women overall will never have the opportunities to catch up to men if the keeps. Were constantly trying to walk around if you ’ ll give birth on your iPhone, iPad, or.! A good 10 hours straight or links posted without content will be removed ”.. sounds really to! Almost all naps and bedtime mean, he ’ s internalized misogyny to want to like the appearance of body... 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Go to plan.. haha or links posted without content will be prioritized over personal preference to the and! Child needs socking, sock him in Germany, FWIW, so just! Kept thinking, maybe I ’ m almost done with bringing up Bebe thought! And are not representative awake. labor and delivery aspect sweettutu6421 | FTM | March 25 | [ score ]. Then maybe a lawsuit would n't seem worth it right for whole paragraphs about the epidural and itched to. With a $ 20,000 bill after giving birth, then nurses, then nurses then... T need to walk around while mom does one hour of easy work while mom does one of., well, and body image to fill if she grumbled or soft cried, I leave her also in... Good advice, gear reviews & life tips husbands are total dead weight around the house, better late never. Advice about how to prevent stretch marks or anything late than never ] lirulin17 [ score hidden 11... 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